i wish starbucks made bloody marys
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
