the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
