I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
