honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
