Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
