I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
