I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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