Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
