My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
