"it" just moved
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
