Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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