i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FUCK WHALES
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
