I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
