im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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