my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
