Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
