whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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