I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
