I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
