ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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