there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
