His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize