cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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