i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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