Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
