connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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