I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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