my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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