There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
