just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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