You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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