So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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