Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
