Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
