I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
