just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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