I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
