It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
