i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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