tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
