farters have to be the big spoon...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
