So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
