we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
