Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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