My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
