you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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