I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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