Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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