i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
