So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
