we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
