Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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