the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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