video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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