Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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