He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
