Kiss
Puke
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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