That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
