dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
