I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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